i feel blessed

Okay so there is this one person that is always there for me. like they are always there when i need to talk and they always listen and usually have just the best thing to say. whether i need to rant about work or school or homework or people at school or buttmunches that make me upset or just my life, they ALWAYS listen and don't tell me im crazy or anything! and when im done ranting they usually just look at me and smirk or dont even look at me but instead they just let me keep talking and then i figure everything out on my own but yet it was all them like they helped me even though they literally didn't say anything at all. it is possible. when they do speak though it's like the angels from heaven above are speaking for them and just tellin me whats up in such a perfect way. i love this person dude they are just so great !!

i got the boy..

Alright so right now I actually do have a song that I LOVE so much! i jsut cant get enough of it and when it comes on i like die because i love it so muuuch... but the title would have a story based on like a guys perspective cuz i'm not that kinda person. the song is called "Girl Crush" by Little Big Town. so i'm gonna write about my next fav that if freak out when i hear which is "I got the Boy" by Jana Kramer :)))

so one day i was walking through town in some other state that i was visiting and i heard a big commotion, so i ran to the scene. It was a bunch of girls fighting over this one boy!! i was liked dude wth !! why are all these girls fighting over one guy ?? if i was them i'd not even bother cuz even if you get him, you're gonna be dealin with the girls that still want him. right?? yeah! so i walk up and im like "ladies, ladies!! calm yourselves! this guy ain't worth it! trust me, if he's got all these girls all up on him and he can't pick one of you, he's no good!! you need a man that can see you for you and know your worth, not have to pick between you and some other girl! it's either you're his only option or you're not even an option cuz you should NOT be a choice !!" and all these girls are like cryin and gettin emotional nd screamin nd clappin like omg you're so inspirational and stuff.. i'm just sittin here like ight ya'll are welcome.. see ya, you know? so they all like wave goodbye to the boy with such beautiful attitude and they all leave to go get starbucks so im just chillin and the guy is standing there like "well thanks you twat." and i'm like "trust me, you're welcome" and he LITERALLY GOES "so do you like ice cream?" and im just like omg you're so smooth. so then we went and got ice cream and that's the story of how i got the boy and all the other little girls went home crying

we're going on a trip

AAAAAADVENTURE TIME! Here's how our trip is going to go, okay? 

We're going on a trip.
In our favorite rocket ship.
*english 3000!*
Climb aboard, get ready to explore.There's sooo much to find!
*english 3000!*
We're going on a mission, start the countdown!!
5
4
3, 2, 1 !!
WE'RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP, ZOOMING THROUUUUGH THE SKY,
*english 3000!!*
Climb aboard, get ready to explore.There's sooo much to find!
*english 3000!*
come on, lets go!! We need you !!!
ENGLISH 3000!
YYAAAAYYY !!

by the way, our trip is to the Jamaican islands. We're gonna go to a bunch of them beaches and get taaaan dude . we're gonna see a bunch of them bob marley wanna be's and dance the night away with em. it's def gonna be the ultimate adventure of a lifetime :-)

"when I'm without you, I'm something weak.."

Well not a lot of people actually KNOW me really well.. but I'm sure I can come up with 5.
1.) My Grampa. He has learned so much about me the past year and I have grown so close to him that I think he's one of the people that I'm most comfortable around now. I love him! He's seen the really emotional sides of me and the smart intelligent, responsible side. He has helped me grow the past year and because of that, he could really help me regain myself.
2.) Rebecca Bush. Yeah, she can get really angry with me sometimes and just not understand me AT ALL, but she knows me pretty well most of the time, and she could probably help regain my memory of who I was. She's seen the at home life part of me, and she could actually probs tell me if im a slob or how often i shower and what chores i do (if any).
3.) Jacob. I would pick him because we were in relationship for quite a while and in that relationship we learned a lot about each other. I would trust that he could tell me the kind of person I am when it comes to love and relationships and if I'm a good girlfriend or not haaha, he's a little forgetful sometimes but he still knows some stuff about me and remembers things that I'm sure would be important if I totally needed a reminder of who I am.
4. Miss Hudson. I would choose you because you've seen how I am with my grades and how I feel about perfection. You know my problems and i tell you about a lot of my social life and whatnot when i just need to rant. You would be a great source of information on the kind of PERSON i really am i guess
5. Joy Hattan.. She would be able to tell me about my professional life because i got a job while living under her roof and tell her about it all time. She knows that sometimes i dont empty my garbage can but i always bring the garbage bins up from the street and help out in the kitchen when its messy. she knows that i love to be happy and talk to people or socialize with everyone all the time, that im not big on just sitting at home doing nothing but staring at the ceiling..

so those are my 5 people :) I mainly chose them because these are the people that im truly closest to in my life right now and have been for a while. they all mean the absolute WORLD to me, and I could never ask for better people in my life. I love all of them and without them, I don't know where I'd be today :-)

juniors !! change your mindset !!

Alright, i'mma tell ya'll straight up right now how I see this. If you are crying/whining/angry all the time because you don't have friends, your best friend doesn't like you or won't talk to you & ditches you for other people, your boyfriend or guy you were talking to doesn't wanna be with you anymore, or because you hate everyone, my advice to you is to get over it. NOW. life is SO short nd beautiful dude !! why are you wasting your time dreading over people who aren't dreading over you or aren't taking the time to have you in their life ?? you are worth soo much more than that dude ! like seriously tell yourself right now that these people are temporary, EVERYthing is temporary. literally everything. CHANGE YOUR MINDSET !! you can go on throughout life and high school without these people and you can go through high school without a best friend or everyone liking you. it is NOT your job to be liked by everyone and it is not your job to be perfect all the time! you dont have to be so stressed out all the time just bc that boy doesn't like you anymore or that girl is talking behind your back. stay positive n STAY YOU !! please please please just like read this every time you think life is just over and your stress level is at an all time high bc trust me you are probably stressing over something that isn't worth the stress dude !! keep your head up, focus on your school work and getting good grades because even if it sucks, that's whatchu gotta do and it's what is most important right now. you're getting closer and closer to senior year and that means planning out your future. trust me, you aren't planning out your future based on what your friends are doin and saying to you. it's all about you nd what you want! stay strong and stand up for yourself. don't feel pressured to stay friends with someone that makes you feel worthless just bc you dont wanna lose them or let someone else have them, they do not matter !! you matter and your HAPPINESS matters !! i love you so much dude trust me, we may not talk all the time or hardly ever but i probably love you and think you're great even if i might think you're an annoying sack of potatoes which i don't think any of you now juniors are . :-) have a GREAT junior year !!

I've still got a lot of fight left in me :-)

My lifes theme song would be "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. Last summer, I was looking for new music to listen to. I got on YouTube and searched songs that I know, and then I would look in suggested music on the side. I found a bunch of new artists to listen to and they had great songs. One of which was Rachel Platten and the first song I found by her was actually "Begin Again" which was featured in PLL a couple months ago and I was like WOAH WHAT? I didn't even know she was that famous!! The next song I found from her that day though was Fight Song and I fell in love. It is the perfect song for my life. Yesterday on my way to work, I HEARD FIGHT SONG ON THE RADIO!! It was so legit!! I couldn't believe it man! I haven't been that excited about a song on the radio since Sam Smith's "Lay me Down" came on!! I jammed SO hard! I was like screaming and totally wanted to cry !! here's the lyrics to show u why :-)

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
but I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
And I still believe
Yeah I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
but I can make an explosion

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Now I've still got a lot of fight left in me

memories don't change

Most Interesting Part of This Class: I really enjoyed reading Beowulf. I had read it before so it was nice to get a refresher of the story and read it again. I liked doing the skits, yaaa..

Least Favorite Part of This Class: midweeks. those are literally the worst thing for me. I think my brain has been able to learn and remember two things from all the midweeks we've done this year. It's awful.

Hardest I Laughed in This Class: I mean, probably when I mispronounced that word when we were reading Macbeth. & i HATE that no one can remember what the word was!!!! But seriously it was hilarious!!! & then another time that I can remember is when Jesse was like dying from choking on his gum but we all thought that he was just droppin a beat!

Favorite Memory from This Class: I think my favorite memory from this class is when I actually finished a book. I was so proud of myself . I felt friggin great! I couldn't finish a book for the life of me this whole year and the day I actually came in and said I finished a book made me so happy.

Best Thing About Hudson as a Teacher: dude you chill, you chill
at times

Thing Hudson Could do to Make This Class Better For Future Classes: honestly, I'd take out midweeks to make it better but we have to learn so idk but honestly i didnt learn anything (not your fault, my brain sucks)

Any Final Comments for Hudson: keep on doin you dude!! its great!!

baby tell me why, why you do, do me wrong?

Here is a situation that just happened not yesterday, but the day before (Wednesday). I was at the hospital and I received a very unwanted, unexpected, and very shocking snapchat was a certain someone that I could not believe was talking to me. They said "Heyy.." and for 20 minutes I was in a total state of shock. I finally answered and I kept my cool so the person wouldn't know that I was totally going crazy on the inside. I said "Hello.." and we had the most casual conversation I think I've ever had with that person before as if there was nothing to it? Like we hadn't spoken in over a month, as if nothing had happened between us... and it hurt. I couldn't believe it! Anyways, after a few snapchats, the person stopped answering. I didn't even know what to think. Why snapchat me and put me through the agony of talking to you, then not even answer? Is it because I kept the conversation casual and didn't express my feelings to the situation? I don't even know what to do with myself now. Do I try talking to that person now and try talking about what happened? Do I not try carrying on a casual conversation and express my feelings this time? I really just don't know. What I do know is that this person talking to me hurt and put me through terrible emotions that I really did not feel like feeling that day.

[Sorry, I'm just scared of the future}

It would take a lot for me to allow someone to freeze my body. but hey! i went through with it and here i am 1000 years later. the future is lucky. they have laundry machines that fold everything for you. hover boards and hover cars that get where you need to be in no time. telaporting!! they have food that wont make you fat no matter how much you eat or what it is. they have no more bugs because theyve invented a way of life without the existence of flys and lady bugs and spiders. people that are really good at singing and have albums but arent on the radio finally have their shot at being on the radio because the radio world expanded and now there is a station for people who just submit their song and BOOM its on the radio :) people are their own person and have freedom but still presidents and something. (nothing like the giver). thats my dream future... maybe some day. and i do feel bad for the people who go to school because their history class will have even MORE to learn than we do... yikes

#mcm [everyday]

i really like Ryan Gosling. But i'm honestly like totally in love with Miley Cyrus and Iggy Izalea, and you can def' throw some Jessie J in there! I enjoy listening to beautiful voices. It makes my heart happy. Ryan Gosling has a quite wonderful voice to go along with his beautiful face and body. His way with words in certain movies literally makes me want to cry. He's so sweet and delicious looking. In the notebook, the way he treats HER WHEN THEY ARE TEENAGERS. MY GOODNESSSSSS<3 okay and I seriously LOVE Scott Avett. he is so gorgeous and his voice is freaking amazing and im seeing him in concert on june 5th and I CANT WAIT BECAUSE LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH. seriously please look up a picture of his face and how beautiful it is.

{i dont care if the world knows what my secrets are}, well, my secret secrets.

Here are some of my inside jokes. With Makynlee Lowry & Emily Womack, I have "Cucumber!" With my bff Liv, we have "Guppy," which is probably the best inside joke I've ever had with someone. I'm sure I have quite a lot with Cody, Ethan, and Evan, but I can't think of any right now. It's very frustrating. Okay, I thought of one. Between Cody, Ethan, Evan, and I, there is "the fappening." but it doesn't mean at all what that sounds like or actually means. Odd, I know. But thats what it is. This also sounds very bad, but because of a very funny occurrence that once happened at my old house, between Cody & I, we have "weedshakes" but weed stands for something else, it's initials. not actually the inappropriate weed. I'm coming to the realization that all of inside jokes with people sound very inappropriate. I really didn't mean to have it that way. I will not explain any of them in detail. Nope.

{'cuz im leeeavin', on a jet plane}

I would love to go to Guatemala. It's been my favorite country since 6th grade! I would love to see their cultures and meet the people in need. I'd love to help out and give back to them. I would also say that I'd like to go to Italy, but I am next year, so I guess I can't do that one. I've never been to Hawaii, and with my goal of going to all 50 states in my lifetime, I am going to need to go there sometime. Italy would be so nice to go to, they have beautiful features all over the place and they're known for many famous foods (and I LOVE food). Many people know of Rome to be the main aspect of Italy, and I'm extremely excited to have the ability to say I've been there! It's been so amazing being able to say that I'm been to Hollywood, Beverly Hills,(Los Angeles), San Francisco, etc. I've also been to the famous(haunted) Alcatraz island! So, I have a lot of excitement for this trip. I know a lot of people have this dream, but Paris would be so amazing to go to! I know that in reality it's dirty and full of nasty people, but what about the amazing people that are clean and French! Think about the big Eiffel Tower and the foods you get to experience eating! I'd also like to take many trips that aren't your typical "before I die I want to visit ________." I'd rather keep them to myself, though.

{Love is eternal, as long as lasts}

Well, Hudson, this isn't exactly the best time to be getting couple thoughts out of me. I do have faith and hope that relationships and people can stay in love and last forever, but I don't have faith that every relationship can. People change their minds and want different things after time goes by, and it sucks. While one person is still totally in love with the other, that other person is only looking for ways to get out of that relationship. How sad is that? Maybe that happens to princesses, too. They are regular people just like me and you, even if they are fake and in movies. It can be possible that a prince and princess that only met and slow danced together one time then get married can get divorced because they fall out of lust. They learn more about each other, find out that person isn't who they want in their life, and do all that they can to let them go. I do believe princes and princesses go through this. But I'm sure that some do stay in love, they just have the heart for it. People know how to live with what they have and love it, never take it for granted, and care for it until the end of the time. While, unfortunately, some don't. Maybe one day those who struggle with love will find their way and learn what it is to love someone. My heart goes out to those who don't know how to love or hold on to the love they have. You just have to remember, love is eternal, as long as it lasts.

"I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't."

I'd be a little okay with that. I'd do a few things differently. I think the main thing I would have done would be have the doctors give my mom an MRI/CAT scan on her head. The tumors were growing for 10 some years before they found it. Maybe if they found it a couple years sooner, they could have done more to help her and possibly get rid of it and she'd maybe still be here today. Unless it was just destined for her to leave this world when she did. I don't really know. I'd also prevent a lot of things from happening that have happened to my sisters & I the past few years. A lot of things could have been done differently to keep these bad things from happening. I would call the police on Jeff and get him locked up for all the things he did that were illegal but never caught. If that happened, we wouldn't have gone through so many hardships. Almost everything that's happened was partly his fault. If he wouldn't have been in our lives, I think things would have been a lot better for us. Advice I would have for myself is don't fall in love with that D-Bag from Olympia, just STAY. AWAY. Don't dye your hair black the day before you start 8th grade at a new school. Don't dye it black at all, actually. DO. NOT. GO TO IOWA WITH YOUR DAD FOR A WEEKEND. DON'T DO IT! Your hair will get chopped off to your ears and you'll regret it forever. DON'T GO! Watch Gossip Girl, don't avoid it because the title looks too dramatic. Those are the main things I can think of right now.

whatchu know bout me, whatchu whatchu know bout me?

So as you all know, I've been to quite a lot of schools. Currently Lowpoint-Washburn HS, and the rest are as follows: Olympia HS, Oelwein HS, Morton Jr/Sr High, Mossville Jr high, Morton Elementary School, LWHS Jr high, Stark, ICCS, and before those are just nursery times. That makes a total of 9, or you could say 8. I've lived in over 30 houses. Including apartments and trailers and whatnot. I used to smash eggs on my head just for the heck of it because I thought it would make my hair softer. My sisters and their friends used to throw eggs at me, and one time I had to take 3 showers in one day because they threw so many eggs. that was a sad day. I think everyone knows that I hate peaches, but it's because in 2nd grade i ate a whole can of them and puked it up all over my friend Amanda Buchanan. I hate the number 7 because when i was 6 and Rebecca was 7, she got really sick with a bad cold and was snotting everywhere. So i told myself that i never wanted to turn 7. Ever since, I've hated that number. I love the number 4 because in 6th grade I took a survey and it told me to pick a number and I picked 4. I used to be so obsessed with the number 4 that I would always take the 4th of everything. The 4th paper in the stack or the 4th fork, or tray in the lunch line. Or the 4th shirt in my dresser or at the store i'd grab the 4th one, always. I used to be addicted to runescape and sims.

lean on m, when you're not stroooong

I have some pretty great siblings. We've all been through a lot together and had the best of times. There's Katie who I haven't had around for that long of my life. I met her when I was like 10. She wasn't around much when we first came into each others lives, but because of recent life events, she's been around a lot more. She looks exactly like my mom and that's pretty cool. Then Stephenie, who I'll admit is crazy. She's the craziest out of all of us. If she didn't have children I feel like she would be in some sort of mental institute by now. Her kids have definitely made her stronger. But of course I love her! Shes always looking out for me and checking in on me and how I'm doing. We've had a quite a few good times. I feel bad for her because she doesn't have any parents left. which could be a big part of why shes going insane. Then HANNAH! Dude shes probably the funniest sister. I love her so much, man. Shes always laughing and having a good time. We have the greatest times. I'm really glad that we've gotten closer the past year. Now is Rebecca. I don't know what words could actually explain her, if there even is any. Shes just simply Rebecca. I am so happy I have her to call my sister. She's grown into such an amazing young woman and I couldn't be more proud. We never really got along too well in the past but again, the past year all that has changed and if I had the choice to be inseparable from her, I would be. She always knows what to say when I need advice and she just knows how it is. She can be a real bad word sometimes, but who isn't? Now Kaleb, the little and only brother! He turned 11 yesterday! I am so happy I have him. I have watched him grow and I love it. Hes so smart and kind, I'm so lucky to have been able to watch over him. I love my siblings more than I think I could ever love anything else.